Three Halloweens.

I have to admit, I haven't really even thought about my blog in more than a month. It's been hard finding time to write down thoughts, let alone think them! Hopefully I'll be able to spend more time here in the next few weeks as 2009 winds down. I'm sure at least one new post will be a reflection on this past year and how crazy it has been. On Halloween, I thought about the last three October 31sts and how different each one was:

10/31/07 - On the very day of Halloween, I had sent out my resignation letter to the elders and staff of the church I was working at in Springboro to let them know that I had accepted an opportunity to plant a church in my home state of Colorado. I remember I was a little nervous about going trick or treating in a certain neighborhood because I wasn't sure if I was going to run into one of the staff or elders and didn't know if they received the letter or not. I didn't really want to have one of those awkward conversations while my daughter was wanting to get more candy from other houses. Thankfully it didn't happen. I remember being very excited about the chance to return "home," if you will. I had regretted leaving Colorado when we did in 2000, and I thought this was a chance to stay in Colorado for the rest of my life. Little did I know that on...

10/31/08 - I was planning on moving back to Ohio. 2008 was even wackier than this year was. We moved back to Colorado and the entire year we were there, we never felt any stability or reassurance that we were supposed to be there. By the time Halloween had rolled around, we had decided to move back. Our house had never sold, my position at the church plant had been reduced to part time, and to be honest we were discouraged because we wrongly assumed that we would be welcomed back to Colorado with open arms. We wrongly assumed that the people whose lives we had touched and impacted over the years we served at my home church in Colorado would be interested in us being back and would want to help support us - if not financially, at least by encouraging us. That did not happen for the most part. And yes, I am still bitter and trying to let that go. The night of Halloween I was with my brother because my family was already back in Ohio, so we ended up going to a U2 tribute band concert, which took my mind off what I had been struggling with during the time (besides the bitterness I just mentioned). I was moving back without knowing what I was going to be doing. I was getting burned out on ministry and churches, so I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to continue doing. I was angry and confused.

10/31/09 - A year later, I can look back and see God's plan, at least part of it. I still don't fully understand why we moved away from Ohio, but we have seen God bring us through this year with much blessing and we are thankful to be back where we are supposed to be, in Ohio. We got to move back into the house we love. Our family got to be back together again (we were apart for 5 months in late 2007/2008). We found a great church to do ministry in again. We were able to reconnect with many of our friends we had developed relationships with in Ohio. Through generous people here in Ohio, as well as a family member, we survived not having a job for four months relatively unscathed (although we are still feeling the financial effects of paying for most of our ministry expenses in Colorado with our own credit card and then only getting reimbursed for a fourth of it, which was not what was promised).

Three Halloweens. Three entirely different situations. We have learned our lesson and are growing roots where God has planted us - here in Ohio. We look forward to another year of stability and growth.

Advent Conspiracy

I love the above graphic - it illustrates how we have turned a special day to honor the birth of Jesus into a marketing tool to buy a lot of crap we don't need.

For more information on Advent Conspiracy, go here.

Forgotten God

I cannot wait...

to see this movie. I loved the book as a kid. I love Spike Jonze. I can't wait.

Climate Change Is Real. What Are The Implications For Christians?

"Too often my environmentally concerned friends are right. But as so many species slide closer to extinction, the rare species known variously as Christianus environmentalis or Disciplos verde is making a comeback. As songwriter Bruce Cockburn said, 'May their gene pool increase.' I don't doubt that this love for creation will be a hallmark of the emerging generous orthodoxy. My friend Melanie Griffin, national program director of the Sierra Club, says it like this: 'In the past few years, we've seen a big increase in the number of Christians involved in actively protecting creation. They are leading stream cleanups, giving sermons about creation care, and jumping into the public policy arena. Christians bring a special energy and spirit to environmental work.'"

- Brian McLaren, A Generous Orthodoxy

Let's be frank. Climate change is real.

I've heard all the arguments against there being an increasing dangerous level of climate change. (And if I hear one more joke about global warming on cold days in church, I might go insane. People, global warming is a dead phrase.) The fact is, we as humans are disrupting our environment. We humans through "progress" are polluting our world, destroying our forests, killing our animal species, and more.

More and more reports are coming out of scientific communities concerning climate change. You can read about the latest report here.

So, it's not really debatable. So stop arguing against the facts, and start thinking about what you can do!

And what is the Christian response? Can we as Christians look past the political ramifications of deciding to do something about climate change?

If you believe - as I do - that one of the responsibilities God has given to humans - going all the way back to Genesis - is to take care of the earth and what's on the earth - shouldn't our response be to fight climate change? Shouldn't it be to do our best to reduce our carbon footprint in the world, to choose carefully what we drive or purchase, to lead the charge to care for creation? After all, we are the ones who believe God is the one who created everything. Let's stop arguing whether or not climate change is happening, and let's start doing something about it.

To learn more how you can help take care of creation, go to the Creation Care website.

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I'm glad I heard that the blogging world is blogging about this today.

The Advent Conspiracy

This sounds really really good. Doing something different than the usual consumer stuff.

My prayer life stinks.

Pete Wilson, a pastor at Crosspoint Church in TN, has a great blog post about how his prayer life stinks.

I think most churchgoers would assume that pastors spend hours a day praying. For the most part, probably not true.

I know I don't. I pray, I have devotional time most days - but I certainly don't pray like I depend on God for His strength and guidance throughout the day. I wonder if I prayed more, would I be more proactive and less reactive throughout the day? Would I be more focused on Kingdom issues and less focused on what's coming up on Sunday morning? Would I get more accomplished by doing less?

Who knows. I do know that I need to pray more.

A Million Miles

Here are the first 30 pages of Donald Miller's new book. Enjoy!

A Million Miles In A Thousand Years by Donald Miller

An Ocean Of Grief

Be forewarned...this post is probably going to be pretty raw and unfiltered. So FYI.

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A 93 year old man and a 7 month old girl died this past week.

The 93 year old man was named Norman. He was a faithful attender at the church I work at. His first wife died of cancer in 1992 I believe, and he re-married in 2001. From what I was told, his last eight years of his life were his best.

The 7 month old girl was named Caitlyn. Her mother was a student in my first youth ministry at my home church in Colorado. I can not even begin to describe the amount of time that I have spent with her over the years - face-to-face, emails, letters, etc. She was one of those students who always had problems and situations in her life. When I left for Dallas, she was still in high school and went off the deep end for awhile and her life was a mess. She started getting her life back together when her first daughter was born, and last year when I was in Colorado I had the opportunity to spend time with her and with her husband and attempt to help them through the difficulties in their marriage. When she found out she was pregnant, she was extremely excited, but I remember wondering if that was so great of a thing because I wasn't sure she was ready to face being a mother of two children.

I never got to meet Caitlyn, but I know she was a joy to be with. Her mother's facebook updates and messages to me were filled with statements of how wonderful she was.

She died Friday night in a tragic crib accident staying with her grandparents on her dad's side. The funeral is this Wednesday.

Even though I didn't know her, the tragedy of her death and the addition of one more thing in her mother's already hard life reminded me of my own mom's hard life and this floodgate of emotion opened up in me last night and this morning. I don't know if you have ever felt like your heart was literally breaking in two, but that's what it felt like to me. I'm writing this post because I'm afraid that if I don't talk about it now, that I'll repress it all back in again and something else will happen and the flood will begin again.

I think I have these huge cracks in my heart that I've attempted to fix myself with glue that doesn't last. I remember in college, my mother's death hit me all of a sudden in the middle of my junior year (three years after she died), and I thought I would never recover. Unfortunately, at a Christian college you're supposed to act like you have it all together, so I just shoved the pain back in and bandaged up the wound and put on a fake smile and kept on moving.

This morning, as I sat in Starbucks drinking coffee and waiting to film one of our church members doing their job at Kroger, I penned these words in my journal:

And I'm stranded on this island in an ocean of grief
So won't You be the one to rescue me?
Will you be the one to rescue me?

And I'm hanging by this thread of my own insecurity
So won't You be the one to rescue me?
Will you be the one to rescue me?

I haven't written a song in ten years, but those words are starting to sound like one.

When I filmed the church member this morning, I almost lost it again. This particular church member is mentally challenged and it opened up some questions in my mind that I've wrestled with for a long time. Questions like

I understand that disease and disabilities and the like are the result of the Fall, but why are those things seemingly so random?

If my heart feels like it's breaking with the weight of my grief and my unanswered questions and situations from my life, how can You God deal with the weight of the entire world's grief? (this is a proof that I use in the evidence against God when I have my doubts.)

I've had my own near-death experiences (brain tumor), and I've experienced the pain of seeing someone you love almost die (my daughter when she fractured her skull) and succumb to death (my mom), and as I grow older nothing is easier and nothing is dealt with and I'm afraid that one day something will happen and I will become so numb from it all that I'll have a nervous breakdown and give up.

But for now, I still have faith.